3 LESSONS I LEARNED FROM DAD

For Father's Day, I would love to share three Lessons from my Old Man, Dangerous Dan. This post may be a little long, but think of it as training for your attention span. These lessons took me decades to understand. You can make it through a blog post. 

I grew up with a unique type of privilege. My brother and I were trained and then basically set free at a very young age, and I loved it. I'm not very sentimental, and although my family scattered, we are very close. It's a bunch of military and crazy hillbillies that know when you're gone; you're probably doing something that requires a lot of skill and focus or is pretty dangerous. So stay present, and get home safe. We'll talk then. Also, don't partake in things that make folks treat each other poorly. Thus, we rarely get together on holidays, and you won't see us at Best Buy or Wal-Mart on Black Friday. It would be a shut-out out, though, if we did, due to our level of strategy and efficiency. However, learn from a Lucas... You can make your own special moments. A Tuesday in February makes more sense. Fewer lines, and cheaper tickets. Sh'mon! There's your first life hack.

 My mother, a tough and gracious coal miner's daughter from West Virginia, taught me the importance of being polite, having small-town values, and having creativity; you can do more with less. Her art was being able to make a 20-dollar bill go farther than anyone I've ever known. Also, no one finds more joy in quiet time than a good romance or Western novel. In CA, It takes people two weeks at Burning Man, then decompressing with some Ketamine therapy, and a couple of years of "powerful work" with a botoxed trust fund shaman in LA to get that level of gratitude. 

THEN THERE'S MY DAD & HIS "RULES" 

My career has been a highlight reel of lessons from that man. Even though we really didn't talk much. One of the lessons I learned was the efficiency of dialogue. So, our time was short and efficient, and although it ended very quickly,  his presence seemed to stick around, probably to make sure the lessons sunk in. PRACTICE GUY!

All these courses and things I share, as well as my career, were kind of laid out by him. I was an uncoordinated wild card of a child. Made up of equal parts: Rage, ADHD, total nerd, poet, wanna be Leroy on Fame or Gene Kelly, and of course Bruce Lee & Ernie Reyes Jr.

Now, remember my "rules" that I'm always spouting on about… That mentality came from him.

He was a drummer and an underwater demolition EOD/Frogman, which is basically underwater bomb disposal, during the Korean War and then with the SEAL Teams through Vietnam. Disarming bombs has rules—so does most of life. I didn't know him then; I only knew him as a Talk Radio Host and announcer for Sportsball Teams and NASCAR.

HIS FIRST 2 LESSONS WERE THE MOST IMPORTANT 

1. Learn to fall.

2. If you're going to learn something, learn it right; do not skip the fundamentals.

 I wanted to be strong—or the Incredible Hulk, whichever came first. I wanted to learn martial arts from the second I knew they existed. So, of course, he made sure that I went to the best, who at the time was an old military guy in Iowa, to learn Judo. Why? Because they teach you to fall.

Learning to fall helps you in more ways than just keeping your brains from being scrambled every time you step on a banana peel. It's a life lesson. You learn to fall so that you can make mistakes, and it doesn't stop you from trying again. You learn to fall so you can enjoy life. Bicycles, hiking, running, rollerskating, basically anything fun that isn't sitting down. You'll probably fall a few times if you're living life right. So, learn to fall.

Also, learn from when others fall, too. Not all the lessons my father taught me were because of his good example. I used to wonder why so many people can't see the cautionary tales around them. Then, as I gained more experience and cultivated my awareness. I realized we don't see the cautionary tales because we spend too much energy trying not to fall. Whether it's addiction, a bad tattoo, or following your dreams. How often have we ignored the lessons right in front of our faces?

Life continually tests us to see if we are on our best path. Falling prepares us for those tests. Judo is still my favorite martial art. I devoted myself to it, competed, and fell a lot, and after 40 years, it still blows my mind.

SIDEBAR: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO BE A BADASS UNICORN: Have fun and find joy in things that others would deem boring, uncomfortable, or lame. Then you're a unicorn, and you're on the right path. The falling tests you. When you fall, do you want to get back up and start again? If the answer is yes, then the energy and joy are inside you… I am grateful I found martial arts and music early in life. It's funny how parallel that was to the old man. We both avoid places that try to hook you with games, sparkles, and novelty. The joy should come from inside. Your inner peace is not making an iPhone or a pair of Nikes, don't outsource the job.

3. Look at your hands, feet, parents, friends, and toys… It can all be taken, so be grateful.

I was really young when we had this talk. I asked my dad about his training in Okinawa—the scars, the tattoos—which got us talking about the Samurai. He then taught me about their relationship with death and dying—to live a life not afraid of dying or things being taken and to be grateful, thanks to the impermanence of all things.

His health, job, and capacity were taken from him shortly after that by cancer & Parkinson's Disease. He had a beat-up body due to the realities of earning those pesky purple hearts hanging on the wall by my bedroom door. He even died and was brought back. Later, in High School, I asked him if he remembered how it felt to die, and he said it felt amazing. He would do it every day if he could.

What things in your life have been taken suddenly? The trauma often happens when you've convinced yourself it can't or won't happen. Imagine how easily your spirit can be destroyed if you live believing you'll never fall or experience loss. For many,  these are points of trauma and great pain. For others, they are triggers for gratitude, being present, and resilience.

 There were many more lessons; you can find more in my "Quick Guide" in the situational Mindfulness course or The new Mindfulness and Journaling Bundle. I have taught these lessons for over 20 years and to thousands of others. This Father's Day, I am grateful for him, and of course, I can't leave Mom out. Her manners and considerate nature, mixed with his intensity, left our family appreciating each other with more than just a family photo. I am able to share their principles and wisdom daily. We did try a vacation to SeaWorld once, and the trainer died on Shamu during the show. So,… Lots of memories. No, I was not traumatized by that because I will never be surprised by the fatal end of any human thinking they can toy with an apex predator. The death made sense, even to a seven-year-old. F@?$k Sea World.

Happy Father's Day,

Matt

PS: Journal about the lessons you appreciate from your families, even the cautionary tales. How will you honor them by learning and growing from them?

Try out the Mindfulness & journaling bundle. Save money on three courses, and get a surprise discount.