When a group of children gets into a room, they will get loud, then louder, then cry, unless there’s an iPad around to make them weird. They love to play games and use their imaginations, but I noticed they really only have one game. I call it “Face First.”

Kids love to just run and hurl themselves at each other, the ground, walls, or pretty much anything as long as they can go full speed and face first.

Yes, it’s the adult’s fault for padding everything, but that’s why I exist.

I have taught thousands of kids martial arts, and when they come to me, they walk into a room with a padded floor and big, thick crash pads. You guessed it. The first thing they do when they see the pads is run, jump, and land face first.

We, as adults, say things like, “Children are so wise,” while also watching them run face-first into the street because they saw a plastic bag.

“You have to teach children to hate.” Then, in the same breath, “Use your words, Aiden! Put down that stick! Oh no! I’m sorry, he gets like that when he’s hungry.” Then, “No, Aiden, you can’t have any more candy; Mommy wants you to eat something healthy,” and Aiden just screams, “I hate you, Mom!!!”

“Children are so sweet.” Sure, if you teach them to share, or have you ever seen a little girl try to pick up a cat? They just grab it like King Kong grabs a biplane. “Be gentle!”

Parents will spend way too much time trying to get their kids to eat, when they’d really rather put random objects in their mouths while shoving forks into light sockets, and I’m supposed to smile and nod when I hear how wise kids are?

Yeah… No.

When I was a wise kid, I decided to prove to my parents that I was, in fact, The Incredible Hulk, by running through a wall. The wall was fine; nothing happened to it, but my shoulder was destroyed. I also spent a good amount of time just chewing on the fly swatter.

To love a child is to teach them.

Running face-first into a wall when you’re two might make you cry, but it’s probably not going to crush your orbital socket. Falling down when you’re three or four and only three feet tall is way more forgiving than slipping on a spilled matcha latte first thing in the morning as a full-grown adult with tight hamstrings. So my job is easy.

“Hey kids, let’s line up! We’re going into the parking lot.”

“Why”

“Because we are going to learn to fall.”

“First, let’s look out for cars and get to a place we can make safe.”

The kids love to scout new areas.

“Now look around and make sure it’s safe, point to some things and tell me where the danger is.”

“Over there is some glass.”

“So do you want to lie on the glass or touch it”

“No!”

“The road is right there.”

“Great, do we go into the road?”

“No!”

“What do we do when we see a car?”

“Be careful.”

“What does that mean?”

“Stay out of the road.”

“I expect you all to look out for each other, so when you see a car or something that can hurt someone, we tell them. Speak up and stay aware, agree?”

“Yes.”

“Now sit down in a safe spot.”

We all find a space in the parking lot to sit down.

“I noticed that you all loooove to fall face first into the pads, run around not looking where you’re going, and just throw yourselves on the ground and at each other, but is that safe to do out here?”

“No.”

“So let’s touch the parking lot with our hands, try the palm, the back of the hand, which one feels less painful?”

“The palm is better.”

“Yes, now feel all over your body for the places where you can touch your bones. Feel your skull, face, elbows, knees; feel the bones at your wrist. Do you feel all that?”

“Yes.”

“Now gently touch your elbow to the ground.”

There’s always a kid who doesn’t know what gently means, but the parking lot teaches them.

“Did that feel good?”

“No!”

“How would it feel if you touched your face to the parking lot?”

“That would hurt.”

“So we perform how we practice. Today you are going to learn how to fall on the parking lot, and the first rule is do NOT go face first.”

“So if you felt the sharp bony parts of your body, now feel the meaty places. Like your shoulders, your back, do you feel that?”

“Yes”

“That’s meat, and when you meet the ground, you want to meet with meat.”

Then we go through a system of falling and rolling starting from seated, then to standing.

“From sitting, slowly roll back on your back.”

“That hurt my elbow.”

“Remember, don’t touch your elbow; roll all the way back. Keep your chin tucked. Is that better?”

“Yes”

“Now lie on your backs and roll side to side; feel how much meat you can put on the ground.”

After a few exercises, they are doing rolls and falls in the parking lot.

“Ok, great job, now let’s go back into the Dojo.”

They immediately forget how to cross the street and run face first into the street every time.

“Ah ah! Stop. Excitement makes you what?”

“Careless.”

“When we are out in the world, we stay aware, so show me how to get back to the dojo safely.”

There is always one kid who exaggerates and pretends to be very, very careful. Looking around, being silly, trying to perform and get attention.

“C’mon y’all, we have work to do; just leave him.”

We all walk inside, and when the kid who’s performing notices we aren’t watching his mediocre performance, he stops and comes inside.

“Ok, now sit back down on the mats. Imagine this is the parking lot. Use your imagination in a realistic way to pretend that this can hurt you; now let’s do our falls.”

They immediately start rolling around like they’re back in the parking lot, doing real rolls and falls like they’ve been practicing for months. So I leave the room to let them flow with their new skills; my work for the day is obviously done. When I came back into the dojo, they taught me what their next lesson will be: “Hey!!! All of you, put down those sticks!” and maybe a game called “Do NOT hit your brother.”